Aim For The Moon - You Can Have It All

The subject is lasting change, how to get beyond resolutions that repeatedly meet failure and into the promised land of sustained change.

The secret is, you can achieve what you want only if you have a clear vision of where you are headed. The reason most people aren't moving forward, says Ti Caine, a hypnotherapist and life coach based in Sherman Oaks, California, is that they don't even know where they are going. If they are going anywhere, its towards whatever they got programmed for, which is essentially whatever their parents envisioned for them. They are not even living their own life.

Successful people, on the other hand, dare to aim for the moon. They believe that everything is possible -- while most people are taught to settle. But that is the antithesis of the human spirit. Nevertheless, Caine points out, whole schools of thought are dedicated to the idea that the way to achieve happiness is to lower your expectations and settle for what is at hand. That, Caine argues, is more accurately the passport to depression.

The only failure in life is not to try. You can live your life and learn to manage the mistakes. But if you never try, you atrophy as a human being. Caine recalls the most meaningful summation he ever heard of this core truth. He was addressing a group of drug addicts in a rehabilitation center, winding up an impassioned 45-minute talk, when a cowboy in the corner stood up and roped in the bull: “I think I understand what you are getting at. What we say in Montana, where I come from is, ‘better to aim for the moon and miss than aim for a pile of sh*t and hit.’”

Caine believes that the biggest lie people try to tell themselves is that they should be satisfied with what they have. He is particularly concerned about the many people in unsatisfying and even destructive relationships who are trying to convince themselves -- or their partners are trying to convince them -- that what they have is good enough.

In order to transform your present into the future you want, it is necessary to envision the whole future -- FutureVisioning, he calls it -- not just in the single facet you want to change but your whole future in its entirety. That's because everything works together, and each facet of your life influences all the others. Further, looking at your whole life deters the seesaw effect that mars so many efforts, whereby you successfully change one element of your life, such as achieving weight loss, only to find yourself eating more than ever.

Caine insists that it is necessary to clarify and write down your goals. In one notable study of Yale graduates, 3 percent of seniors reported having specific written financial goals. About 10 percent had general goals that were not committed to paper. The rest had no specific goals. Twenty years later, the 3 percent who write down their goals outperformed all the others combined. Writing down your goals gives you power and infuses you with commitment.

Having a complete vision of the future gives you a constant source of hope and motivation. Of course, the command to envision your future is far too global to help out most people. It's most likely to induce a brain freeze, although when breaking the future into its various domains, people really do know what they want.

So join the winners and take the first step to getting what you want. Think about the future as it pertains to the very specific domains of experience that, when totaled together, add up to your life.

• How will you feel emotionally living your ideal future? Describe how you will enjoy and express your full range of emotions while living a wonderful life.

• Describe your ideal loving relationship and/or family. Include specific qualities for you and your mate. Describe the size of your family, the relationships between members and a list of aspirations, including things you would like to do together.

• Visualize a totally fulfilling social life. Describe the friends, business associates and community acquaintances you would enjoy, including the social events and the position or image you would like to attain. Whatever you can imagine, list it.

• Describe your dream physical and health state, weight, nutrition, exercise patterns and activities you would like to be involved in as part of an energetic and joyful life.

• Describe the mental state you would like to attain, including all of the things you'd like to learn and know, the creativity you would like to develop, the education you would like to attain, formally or informally, and the things that turn you on intellectually.

• What do you want in your life career-wise and financially in the next three to five years? How will you feel in your career? Imagine your financial dreams coming true. Be specific and list anything of value that would be symbolic of financial success.

• What do you really want in your life spiritually in the next three to five years? Describe the spiritual, moral and ethical state to which you aspire. What would it be like to have a magnificent and inspiring relationship with your inner guides, your high self and the Source as you imagine it?

  You can go to www.ticaine.com to get free worksheets and ideas to enrich the process. The next Psyched for Success will show you how to use the power of visualization to help you create a wonderful life.

  Hara Estroff Marano is Editor-At-Large of Psychology Today magazine and Editor-In-Chief of Psychology Today's Blues Buster, a newsletter about depression. An award-winning writer on human behavior, Haras articles have appeared in publications including the New York Times, Smithsonian, Family Circle and The Ladies Home Journal. She lives in New York City.

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